Applying to college is stressful for teenagers for countless reasons. And because they are human, they tend to worry most about the one they can’t control - the college’s decision. Let’s face it: a process that results either in an invitation to - or worse, rejection from - a coveted community is going to make people act funny. Especially teenagers. I don’t blame them for one second.
They are expected to get personal in their applications: write about their families, identities, and communities; share obstacles, hardships, loss, and mistakes; convey their personality and values - all while demonstrating genuine empathy and vulnerability in an effortless, non-braggy way. And after all this, they are congratulated for the well-deserved accomplishment of getting in, but told not to take a denial personally. After all, the college isn’t really admitting or denying individuals, but crafting a class to meet its institutional priorities.
The antidote to the anxiety is twofold: understand and accept the process for the increasingly complex and unpredictable thing it is; and dive in with an open mind and heart, willing to envision several unique positive outcomes. I tell my students to own the process and be selfish (within reason), which means they have to listen to themselves and ignore external pressures.
I also tell them to let go of the dream school. There is no perfect college, but there are many fantastic colleges for each and every student. Going to a strong-fit college is the dream, and we can make that come true.
My students:
tune out external pressure, and tune into what matters to them, from academics to campus culture and everything in between
discover and apply to a balanced list of strong-match colleges
understand their unique gifts, and produce illustrative applications they are proud to submit
Their parents:
enjoy supporting the discovery process, rather than worrying about missed opportunities or looming deadlines
gain a solid understanding of the admissions process, and worry less about potential outcomes knowing a comprehensive plan is in place
report the ripple effect of living with calmer, more confident teenagers
““Maria was able to provide calm, clarity, and positivity when we were in the craziness of my daughter’s multi-step process. My daughter (and I too when on a session) always came away from conversations feeling buoyed and realistically positive, ready to face the next steps.... Maria’s approach and demeanor helped diffuse so much stress and anxiety.””